Loxly

Archive for December 2010

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays

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I started a thread in a forum on a day that turned into a day when 2 people I loved ended up in pain. When I started the thread all was well. By the end of the day someone was in the hospital. Both people that had issues that day recovered, but it was a day that scared the heck out of me.

Losing 2 children shocked my system to the core, losing the first set me on the path to serious affiliate marketing. I needed to work at home to be with my other child. I couldn’t cope with being with people that thought the “important” things were whether the coffee was made or the door was too squeaky.

I can’t say enough that life is absolutely too short. Please enjoy your friends and family, do work you don’t hate and take time to enjoy your life. It has taken me a very long time and very special people to get me to be able to function well again and stop being a workaholic to run from the world. Too many of *us* right here use our self employment as an excuse to work when we should take a break. And others choose to spend their time on activities that are not productive nor enjoyable.

Balance. Life is too short, so enjoy it with balance.

June 25th 2009 2 icons died. Children lost their parents, parents lost their children, the world lost people they loved. Controversial or not, they were both loved.

The point of posting this is just to give us a reminder to be good to ourselves and those we love, re-read the posts that have good advice.

Hug someone you love, go offline and play with your kids, call someone far away. Tomorrow they may not be here. And that isn’t said in a mean way, or a condescending way. I said goodbye twice without a clue that it would be the last time.

Sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come.

Originally posted elsewhere on September 19, 2007:

Today is my son Daniel’s birthday. He would have been 27 today. Over the past 6 years I try every year to get through his birthday without anguish. For those that don’t know, he died in a car accident in 2002. On Mother’s Day.

Why post today? Why not just hide away like I planned? Because his story is one of passion and ambition and brilliance. And unlike so many other people, he *did* what he was passionate about. He didn’t talk about doing things, he did them. And he had obstacles, oh did he have obstacles. He didn’t finish high school because he had panic attacks. And he went on to attend Hofstra University and got into the highly competitive NYU Dramatic Writering program. I lived with him at NYU in the dorm for a year (well, it was almost a year) because he went there right before 9/11. When the buildings came down, they weren’t concerned with finding a health aide for a 20 year old in a wheelchair, they had bigger issues to deal with. But that’s another story for another day.

He wrote his first complete novel when he was 10. It blew me away. It is no longer around, the files got corrupted on the computers it was on, the hard copy is no where to be found. It wasn’t meant to be his legacy.

I want to share some of the things he wrote, they are movie scripts, so they are not easy to read if you aren’t used to the format. And he had a bizarre sense of reality, so if you dare to read them be prepared, they are definitely not mainstream material. No happy endings…

Passion… when you think about how hard it is to do what you love… think of Daniel and how he managed to do what he loved, and know that he was poised for greatness when the universe claimed him back. He followed his passion… to the day he died. He had a movie in independent pre-production, he had an internship with the Emmys, he was ready to fly.

If you dare, here are his scripts, both movies and plays:

The Movies

Slay the Demons – When a random act of violence forces Brent Fischer to relive the traumas of his past, he’s forced to finally face down his demons or let them destroy him forever.

Age of Experience – An exploration of the difference between age and maturity seen through the eyes of two male prostitutes and a disabled college student. It’ll suck the funny right out of the room. And then you’ll get to the climax.

kiuljuk – An online plea from an old college friend fills Greg Mitchell with confusion. Because what happens online isn’t real life. That is, until it is.

kilran – Death in a funny suit

These are Daniel’s short plays. He has one or two full length that I may post another time.

Ask Why
Erin
Nobody Dies Originally titled “Gotta Pee” this one won a writing competition at a junior college, and he wasn’t *in* the writing program there, and all the teachers and writers wondered W(who)TF this was.
Rational Irrational Produced by NYU, part of a short play competition.
Vator

Enjoy, or better yet, follow his lead and go do what *you* are passionate about and don’t make excuses why you can’t.

Page with more info on Daniel, in his own words

Daniel Fogg with Bob Guza and Wendy Rich
Dan with Wendy Rich and Bob Guza, executive producer and header writer respectively, of the TV show General Hospital.

A wise man told me in May, “just keep thinking of the future”. And today he said “go forward, go forward”. I am going forward and not dwelling on the past, but the past has some issues I need to deal with now and then. And Dan’s accomplishments going unnoticed are one of the things that bother me now and then.

Daniel was also a huge positive influence on people that knew him. He made a huge impact on a community of script writers, Project Greenlight. Most people only know that now because of the tv show, but it started as a community, a forum, where a young man named dfogg had a huge influence and following. He met his girlfriend there, he made friends that were his business partners, he inspired other people to write and attempt to market their writing, when they were too shy or lacked confidence to do so. Sound familiar?

He stirred controversy, went to live events – in LA, and believe me flying cross country was not easy on us. Especially the trip that all three of us went. Neither Dan or Chris could sit in an airplane seat comfortably, and airlines don’t really know what to do with 300 pound wheelchairs. I sat between them, taking turns letting them lean on me or holding them up. But I digress….

He started on a message board and made people do what they were afraid to do. He inspired people. So maybe that is why I am so pushy about inspiring people myself.

And he *is* the reason I repeat “life is too short”. His life was too short. He is the reason I pressure some people to get out of their comfort zones and do certain things.

Follow your passion, follow your heart.

The holidays are always a tough time for me but this year my daughter who lives far away has been giving me a lot of updates on how she is making a great Christmas for her son. I sent him his present early, a guitar, so I was “Done” with Christmas. I also gave a guitar to my boyfriend, surprising him in early December instead of waiting for the actual holiday.

On a message board I frequent, a member asked the question “What would you do with 168 million dollars” which was a particular lottery’s prize for I think a Christmas Eve or Christmas Drawing. Here is what I posted:

So here’s my story, I’m a little sappy tonight so bear with me 🙂 Way back when I was a single mom of teens the lottery started being pretty hefty now and then. So when it got really high we would play a few dollars and talk about what we would do with the money if we won:

Don’t tell our friends (which like now are far flung around the country, back then mostly east coast) – then surprise them by having a limo show up at their houses and take them to a plane that brought them to a party catered by Emeril Legasse, probably in NYC since that was where he filmed his show. They wouldn’t need to pack because we would have them in a nice hotel with everything they needed.

Next we would create a foundation that would fund several projects:
Research into their own medical condition (Spinal Muscular Atrophy)
Research into cancer treatment and cures (My sister died of lung cancer – very quickly)
Scholarships for young writers and actors to go to good schools and get grants for writing

Since Dan was a writer and Chris an actor, we needed a completely handicapped accessible home in NYC and LA, with lots of room for friends to stay with them.

And finally buy a private plane that accommodated them to sit in their wheelchairs during flight so they could fly cross country easily without their equipment being damaged by baggage handlers and waiting for literally an hour or more after a plane landed to get their wheelchairs brought to them. Ideally their custom van could fit in the hold of the plane so we had transportation at the other end.

Would I give up working? No. I would always be a photographer and an educator. I would have also been the person managing the foundation.

Since the boys are gone (Dan died in 2002 and Chris in 2006), I would now just want to create a foundation to fund the projects that the boys believed in, put Liz in charge and spend my time helping small businesses, mostly artists and photographers, get started. Many times I’ve been told I should create the next great POD (Print on Demand) company. But I think that would take more than 168 million. I would also be sure to send anonymous gifts and messages to people that needed them. I’m a big believer in anonymous acts of kindness, because after my sons died, especially after the shock of Daniel’s death in a car accident, there were many times that out of no where someone sent an anonymous card, sometimes with a small gift, sometimes with a memento, sometimes with just a message that I was in someone’s thoughts.

My Christmas wish is for someone that will be able to appreciate and enjoy that amount of money win it. Too many people become instant millionaires and are paupers again just a few years later. It isn’t money that buys happiness, it is what you do with it that does.



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  • maisoto56348: I really liked King Hereafter, where the sparse saga style suited the characters and the setting. It’s one of my favourite books. Click
  • Jan: Deborah; You already have your wings, now you just need to fly. I am humbled. You gave your boys life--and they continue to live through you. Just a
  • Peggy: Deb, you make me smile and cry at the same time. ((hugs))